I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
