Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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