I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
