He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
