dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
