I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
