i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
