you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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