I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
