If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love you. Go after that dick
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
