i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
