One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
