Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
