I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize