I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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