He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
