Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
