so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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