Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
