Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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