I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
