Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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