I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
