i already hear my dad disowning me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
