I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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