Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
