Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found the puke drawer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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