okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize