You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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