You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
