Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
