Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
