home. puking in laundry basket.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
