God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize