Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
