waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
