I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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