sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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