You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
