dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
