I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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