fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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