We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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