During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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