Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
