But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
