I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize