Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
