A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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