That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How naked do you want me to be?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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