my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
