Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
