walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
