GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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