If i come over, it means nothing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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