I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
