Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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