I'm going to jail i love you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
