The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
