I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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