He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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